The meaning behind your dreams!

                      For me dreams are so fascinating

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when I wake up one of my favorite things is to think back on my dreams I had or try to remember If I even had one at all, but do are dreams really mean something? or do we actually forget are dreams or don’t have dreams every night? I believe by reading and interpreting your dreams you can discover things about yourself, such as what your brain is trying to tell you, or what you really want in life.”I do know that dreams are useful in therapy,because they harbor clues to the psychological issues and conflicts in a person’s life.”

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I believe our dreams tell us what were afraid of and what we truly desire. The meaning of your dreams is really what you interpret it to be, but there are a lot of books and dream meaning guides that claim to know the meaning of certain elements of the dream. So I decided to go online and do my own research to figuring out what my dreams may actually mean and here is a little of what I found:

  • Water related dreams can mean you feel overwhelmed or unsupported by your loved ones
  • Vehicles tend to mean you’re worried about the direction your life is taking and where you’re going
  • Being trapped means you might need a change or a fresh approach to your life. Look for another job or think about going on a small holiday.
  • Teeth falling out is all about your power and usually means you’re feeling subconsciously repressed or controlled. It can mean you really WANT to leave a job, but you’re feeling trapped or like you can’t for some reason.

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  • Money in a dream is all about your self-worth and how much you think you’re worth as a person
  • Sex tends to mean you have a DESIRE for more sex or better sex with your current partner. It can also mean you’re growing as a person and feeling more in tune with nature and your true self.
  • Falling is a dream symbol that means you’re thinking about letting go of something you’ve been holding onto for a while now. It could also mean that no matter how hard you’ve tried at something, you keep failing at it and you need to let it go.
  • Being cheated on shows a lack of trust or security in your relationship and can mean you’re not confident in yourself.
  • Being late or lost symbolizes your lack of faith in your timekeeping abilities and also a lack of faith in your own ability to get things done.
  • Car crash dreams are common and usually mean you’re in a conflict with someone close to you and it needs resolving.
  • Being pregnant (for girls) can either mean you ARE pregnant, or you’re growing as a person and want to develop further. Dream symbols like this are often very simple.

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  • Finding an empty room in a dream can mean you’re searching for something that you just can’t seem to find. It could be a new area of your life you want to explore, or a new type of relationship, but you’re searching for something.
  • Your innermost desire this is a very personal dream symbol and is different for everyone, but it’s one of the most commonly dreamed about symbols!
  • Walking or running in place is about your pack of power and strength. Running in place means you’re trying as hard as you can to move forward in life but something or someone is holding you back!
  • Lots of water can mean you’re over your head or in lots of financial trouble. It could also symbolises stress or the feeling of having LOTS of big responsibilities.
  • A film you’ve seen is often day residue and means you’ve been thinking about the film a lot during the day.
  • Paralysis dreams often cause the dreamer to become panicked and stressed in the morning. The meaning is the same as the teeth falling out meaning

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I read about so many other meanings as well and even picked up some books from the library, I was able to get a better understanding of why im having certain dreams and it helped give me a better understanding. One thing that happens to me often Is I have the same dream over and over and it repeats itself, so i finally decided to look up online what that means and this is what it said:

Why Do Dreams Recur?

Dreams reflect a dreamer’s feelings, thoughts, unconscious drives, and unfinished business, and allow a dreamer to gain further personal insight, which allows them to further process and resolve issues from their waking life. Dreams and dream work can be a powerful tool for personal growth and goal achievement.

Recurring dreams, whether they are pleasant dreams or nightmares, are very significant to the dreamer. Dreams can recur for many reasons. The most likely reason is that the message and purpose of the dream was not received by the dreamer and the issue it highlights is not only unresolved but is not being addressed and is being ignored.

Recurring dreams often turn into nightmares when the dreamer continues to ignore something important in their waking lives. This issue will wait for the dreamer and will not go away, despite the dreamer convincing him/herself that it does not exist. The nightmare is an extreme version of the dream content screaming for the dreamer’s attention.

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Lately these past weeks I have been having these random recurring dreams that are pretty funny and they seem so real, but the best part about my dreams is that “I’m staring in the orange is the new black” now this is obviously because I have been beng watching all the old seasons on Netflix. And lately I’ve been literally waking up tripping out how realistic these dreams are getting lol. “pretty funny and random right” im literally in a straight orange jump suit in prison and im best friends with “Chapman” lol I wonder how lucky all be able to keep having these dreams and feeling like a star lol.
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I also have this dream that has continued for so many years since I was in high school It’s pretty weird I have it randomly and I never understand why I have it but it’s always very short and blurry. Im in this neighborhood and the homes are really old and are beautiful big Victorian style with lots of vines and Im like in another time or something, Im looking for my family trying to find them but im lost and no one will help me find them.Sometimes even in the dream I can feel my self crying and all wake up and be out of breath and think why do I have this crazy dream.I read online and it said : To dream that you are crying signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself.Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. … You can no longer suppress these emotions.

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I think more than anything I realised im just kind of a weirdo and have some random crazy dreams lol. But I do think its extremly interesting to do some research on the meanings behind your dreams & maybe you will try and do the same. 

 

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How i feel about people Being gay!

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Its pride month so I decided I wanted to write about “how I feel about people being (gay)(homosexual) whatever people call it!

 Homosexuality makes a lot of people uncomfortable! But I feel “Your not responsible for certain people s immaturity”. I never understood why people are so judgmental towards what makes others happy…they may not be able to relate or understand that love is love no matter “boy and boy” or “girl and girl” or “boy and girl” TO ME LOVE IS LOVE & I KNOW NOT EVERYONE WILL AGREE WITH THIS. But at the end of the day we all have are own opinions & i know plenty of people who do not agree with it. For me as I get older and have the choice to follow religion and choose to call my self a christian this is where one of my confusions comes in. I do consider my self a “christian and I don’t consider my self to claim to be a perfect christian” That is why this year I chose to join an online bible study school so I could educate my self in the areas I maybe confused on and don’t agree with or dont follow in the steps god says I should and this is deff a area i struggle to understand. For me I know that if you sin and ask god for forgiveness you shall be forgiven but i know you can’t just continue to keep repeating those sins and expect to be living as a committed christian.

So for me this is where I can’t agree with and think its unfair & what it says  about homo sexuality in the bible!

Leviticus contains two well-known statements about homosexual activity:

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Leviticus 18:22)

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

“An abomination” is often used to describe idolatry, and some suggest these verses are not condemning homosexual behaviour in general, but only the cultic prostitution connected to pagan temples. It is also often claimed that the fact that these prohibitions appear in a book full of other laws which no Christians think they are expected to follow today suggests that they should not be taken as having abiding moral relevance. But to take the first objection, the language used is not that specific; it refers to lying with a man “as with a woman,” – that is, in very general terms. Secondly, the surrounding verses in each instance describe other forms of sexual sin (such as incest, adultery and bestiality), none of which is anything to do with pagan temples or idolatry, and which we would take as being applicable to Christians today. It is moral, rather than just pagan religious behaviour that’s in view. Furthermore, Leviticus 20:13 highlights both male parties equally, again suggesting general, consensual homosexual activity (as opposed to gay rape or a forced relationship).

I have had discussions about this topic with my parents,family, and even friends who are gay and they all had different opinions,some that I did agree with and some I didn’t agree with.Alot of people believe you will not go to heaven and that god does not accept “gays”. For me I feel that’s wrong that you can’t be accepted for how you love and feel. I feel it’s so confusing to understand because i know people who do believe in god and are involved in church but are gay and to see The strength that Jesus gives them makes them feel confident enough to surpass their fears and tell the world who they are.And there told their choice in lifestyle is the devil and people don’t want to be a part of it.

As I have grown, so has my love for God and I believe it can as well for someone who is gay.There are so many people who preach his word but they will leave your life and walk away from you, but god I believe he never does, and that’s how I feel about anyone who believes in god and is gay I belive he does not stop forgiving you and watching over you and loving you for you,but theres many people and christians who will disagree with that. Some people have difficulty accepting others who are different, whether it’s because of their race, sex, sexuality, religion… the list goes on.If you’re being harassed, judged or made to feel bad about yourself by someone else because of your sexuality, remember that there’s nothing wrong with you; the problem is the other person’s ignorance and intolerance. For me I have so many people around me that i love and never judge for their sexuality. It’s an uncomfortable and confusing for me to understand . I don’t think it’s fair to claim that you can’t be a LGBT individual and be saved. God made it clear that there is no sin that can separate us from him apart from the rejection of Jesus Christ. Is the Bible just down to interpretation? Are the 12 mentions of homosexuality in the holy book due to cultural and historical mistranslations and misinterpretations? Many do argue that “sexual immorality” refers to rape and prostitution, not those in a loving relationship. 

This Is a blog i have been dying to write, I have so many wonderful people apart of my life who I love very much and they have chosen to open up to me,feel comfortable and to trust about opening up about their sexuality and to me that makes me so happy because I know how hard it is to trust in someone. I wish anyone who is struggling with there sexuality can talk to someone they trust or look for advice online and know that you should be able to live your best life feeling comfortable in your skin and not care what others think.  I hope if you’re struggling to feel comfortable about coming out that “you can find that courage and do it” I also hope if you are struggling to come out or even if you are gay and open about it that you read my blog that it will give you some kind of hope to know that You are a wonderful person and loved and that I believe Its a beautiful thing to be SIMPLY YOU and nothing more.

 

thanks for reading my blog and If you enjoyed I always appricate the love and support and comments or likes

Let’s talk about E.B.T!

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We all know someone who has E.B.T but owns a fancy car,or is rocking named brands. And we all know someone who slang’s their food card to friends and family,now I’m not trying to knock anyone’s hustle but it’s obviously not the thing you should be doing,but I do know there’s family’s who do benefit from that help so at the same time I understand why people do it. And I’m not gonna sit here and lie and say I have never bought someones food stamps before because I have.But there are people out there who really need it and then there are others who just take advantage.people shouldn’t make the mistake of ignoring how aid programs can be abused, This more than just wastes taxpayer dollars and leaves less for those who truly need it. 

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I think its such a trip how many places now except E.B.T, I see places like KFC,mc Donalds,liquor stores,gas stations,dominoes pizza,jack In the box,subway ,dennys,you name it “ALMOST EVERYWHERE TAKES IT NOW.” I have gone to liquor stores and seen people literally stack up on every snack,sodas ,to just junk food and walked out so happy and feeling proud of there E.B.T. I also know some people who will spend an arm and leg on their hair every month in the hundreds & depend of there E.B.T like no other.There are people who actually do have money and they use the E.B.T so they don’t have to spend any of their money those are the people I have a problem with. If you have E.B.T and you really need it then “swipe it how u wanna swipe it” but I feel the ones who just abuse it kinda annoy me a bit. 

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It’s a bit mind-blowing that there are people out there who work hard everyday but they may be a single dad or single mom,or just couples who need that help or who just have to many kids.There are people who can’t even get accepted because of the amount they make but really need it. And we have people who don’t need it at all and either work under the table or something and are able to get approved and then abuse it. I even my self years ago was working and needed extra help and food stamps would have been amazing for me,But I was told I didn’t get approved and they told me If I would have been pregnant or had a kid then I would of been able to get that help and then I thought to my self yeah “I rather just starve then” lol.  

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There are 43 million Americans on food stamps.

That’s a lot of people!! A lot of people who need it and people who don’t! 

•Not everyone who is poor gets welfare. The official poverty line is already so low that a family of three with any income over $1,500 a month is not officially poor. And even that is not poor enough to qualify for E.B.T. To qualify, you typically need to have income below half the poverty line; in some states, the income limit is much lower. Cash assistance reaches fewer than one in three poor families nationally (about 1.5 percent of the total population).

•Women are more likely to seek help through welfare programs. Close to 25% of those aged 16 to 64 were receiving benefits. Among men in the same age range, slightly more than 19% received some type of welfare.

•Children are more likely to be on welfare than adults, with 38% of kids aged 5 and under living in households that receive public assistance. Almost 35% of kids aged 6 to 10 and 32% of those in the 11- to 15-year-old range are on welfare.

California topped the list for welfare recipients, with nearly 515,000 relying on government-funded programs. Alaska, however, has the highest per capital rate with about 7% of households getting benefits.

•Here’s a breakdown 16.3% of Non-Hispanic Whites. 39.7% of Non-Hispanic Blacks. 36.4% of Hispanics. Hispanics represent the fastest rate of growth for any demographic group a 15% increase.

Some states are more generous than others when it comes to food stamps but on average, families get just over $133 per person each month.

Altogether, improper welfare payments cost the government about $50 billion annually. The food stamp program claims the largest share, at $2.7 billion.

While there are  going to be some bad apples in the bunch, many of the people who get help from welfare programs do so as a short-term fix while they take steps to improve their financial well-being. Hopefully, by looking at the big picture, we’ve been able to shed some light on what the realities of welfare are for those who benefit from it.

 

♥ Thanks for checking my blog out and hope you enjoyed! 🙂

My daily beauty routines,body care & fav products!

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♥ I thought this blog would be a bit fun and different from all the other blogs I have posted. A lot of people tend to ask me about my beauty care products & routine and I thought that this would be perfect to share!

MY SKIN ISSUES:  I have extremely sensitive skin! And my skin tends to dry out easily, I don’t tend to really breakout but do at times . For me over the years I have learned to take the time to figure out what face washes,moisturizer,and makeup products,even detergent that will work best for me and my sensitive skin. If you have sensitive skin this blog might actually be very helpful for you.

So to start off the Face Wash that I use Is the “CLEAN & CLEAR DEEP ACTION CREME CLEANSER SENSITIVE SKIN OIL FREE”. I use this face wash 2 times a day In morning in shower & at night In shower before bed. For some reason its the only face wash that works best for me and wont make me break out more or over dry out my skin. 

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•One thing is “I don’t wear makeup everyday” I think its important to let your skin breath! So during week I will go a few days natural and let my skin get a bit of a breather because I do love makeup.

I always use a moisturizer EVERYDAY with or without makeup, NOW I don’t use all of these together just use either of these 3 to keep my face from drying out.  My fav’s are “Garnier skin active moisture bomb“, “Vichy Laboratories Masque mineral”, and “Desert Essence Tea Tree oil”.

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A product I love that I own And highly recommend to keep around the house is “African neem oil”. Neem oil is ideal for acne prone skin because it clears up pimples and removes bacteria that cause break outs. Neem oil contains an aspirin like compound which removes the acne causing bacteria from the skin . It also helps with many other stuff like, eczema,  Fungal infections of the skin like ring worms, nail fungus and athlete’s foot, Protects against bug bites.                                                               IMG_0781

My fav body washes for sensitive skin & lotions! There’s so many body washes out there that smell so amazing but unfortunately I am unable to use all those wonder washes but i have found some great ones that keep my skin soft,healthy,and non irrattated. I am deff a dove girl and use it a lot,but i also love African black soap its great for my skin and has a lot of benefits to using it & a plus I love the smell. Whether you have dry skin like me, oily skin, or a combination of the two, African black soap works wonders for every skin type. Thanks to the addition of coconut oil, this soap counteracts dryness by deeply rehydrating the skin. It’s excellent for oily skin too since it adds moisture to the skin, which helps to correct and balance an overactive sebaceous gland.

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Now a HUGE THING FOR ME IS BEING CLEAN AND TAKING CARE OF MY BODY AS WELL AS MY WOMAN HEALTH! NOW MOST OF US WOMEN know the struggles of are PH balance being knocked off by so many thing soaps and all sorts of stuff you name it and it can be a hassle! I’ve learned with the soaps I use I don’t get those problems as likely. I also have to be honest ladies some of you guys need some tips lol “Not every girl ” But some of you out there, I think that’s huge as a woman so here’s some tips!! LADY’S DONT OVER WASH & “DONT NOT WASH “LOL A little soap & water goes a long way! DONT DOUCHE! it’s actually not good for you. Your vag has good and bad bacteria and doing that you mess with the good bacteria. So heres the products I use to keep my self great down there :)lol. 

AFTER “GIRL DAYS” I useRelated image                Image result for rephresh vaginal gel

   Were all adults here and I just thought some ladies need to know :)!

 

“Some of My fav Makeup”: I love benefit makeup I use the liquid & powder, I also some days use as well “L’oreal paris True match liquid concelar”. But The most common question I get Is “Are those your eye lashes what mascara do you use” I just was actually lucky to be blessed with one thing and that was long eye lashes lol. It’s not my mascara I literally switch mascaras all the time. But I am currently now using “Cover girl total tease” and i like it alot. Another “MUST I use daily is always a setting spray so i use the “NYX MATTE FINISH FINI MAT” it works amazing and is a must try. I finally found a highlighter that I love and a plus its fairly inexpensive its the “Maybelline Master STROBING STICK”.  we all want flawless eyebrows and im still always working on mine trying to get them down but i think i do a pretty decent job i use together “Cover girl easy breezy brow” & “Anastasia dip brow pommade dark brown”

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BODY LOTIONS & BODY SPRAYS: I love to smell good so first thing out shower I always put my body sprays and lotions on, And most of them are coconut not all but most I don’t no what it is but i love the smell of coconut! 🙂 

One of my fav perfumes is from NY & COMPANY& one I love from bath and body works is the “island white sand”, from victoria secrets I also have a big fav which is their bomb shell body mist”

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LAST BUT NOT LEAST MY FAVORITE Hair products: Everyone who knows me knows I have huge curly hair and its thick and takes a lot of work! So I have to say I use alot of hair products and Its the most expensive part on my body I spend on “rolls eyes” lol. 

With shampoo & conditioner I switch off time to time but mostly use these two cause I love the smell! And of course I have to buy the biggest ones cause my hairs so thick!

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MY STYLING PRODUCTS: “The PART WHICH HAS TAKEN ME YEARS TO GET DOWN!”

First start off with a hair grease or a hair leave in conditioner and brush and comb it out

Then I use a shit ton of mouse & gel which i buy weekly 😦

Then I hair spray my hair for years till i start coughing & dying from all the “FUMES” then kinda crunch it a bit and part it to the side and im done! NOW when people tell me they want my hair and how in love they are with it I’m like you have no idea lol! 

HERE is all the products I use daily with pricing! NOW DO YOU WANT MY HAIR?

Image result for herbal essences body envy volumizing mousse $3.OO EACH. this picture I swear Thats how many i use lol I feel i go through a week but i go through like 1 a week sometimes two lol. 

Image result for tresemme gel extra hold$5.00 each. I legit use gel more than anything and go through one sometimes two of these a week easily for sure “crazy right”! And you would think my hair would be hard as a rock but its not its just puffy and soft my hair just soaks this shit up!

Cantu Shea Butter 12-ounce Leave-in Conditioning Cream for Natural HairDEPENDING WHICH SIZE THERE ANYWHERE FROM $12.99 TO 20.00. This leave in conditioner is the best for my hair type and leaves it smelling amazing! 

Last but not least hair spray! $5.00 a can,but these last me weeks but I still buy them more than i swear any girl! 

Image result for tresemme extra hold hairspray I hope you guys enjoyed my fun beauty blog & maybe you might find that some of my products I use will work best for you as well. ♥   

Failing Forward

“I read  a book called for every season By. Greg Laurie” and I read a chapter he wrote and I really loved it and wanted to share some of it with guys.

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Did you know that success can be a form of failure? Some may argue that success is the most Important thing in life. After all, there is so much emphasis on it today?But is success the most important thing in life? That all depends on whose definition of success you choose. Many people achieve their goals,but my question is what did it cost to achieve them? Was it by using deception and betrayal? By abandoning their principles and sacrificing integrity? By neglecting their family and friends? By forgetting about,and in some cases,outright abandoning GOD? If so, They may be successful by certain definitions, but ultimately,they’re failures.

We can do worse than fail. We can succeed and be personally proud of our success. We can succeed and worship the accomplishment rather the ONE WHO HELPED US REACH IT. We can succeed and forget whose hand it is that gives and withholds. Sometimes Failure can be good, because we can learn from our mistakes. And failure can be good,even when we do something that is wrong…If we learn from it,that is, and if we learn to fail forward. By failing forward, I mean that after we have done something wrong and have tasted the bitter results of it, we say, “I really don’t want to do that again.”So we put safeguards around our lives and take precautionary steps to never fall into that same trap. If that is the case, then we have learned something from our failure.

“why i chose to share this”: 

I really wanted to share this because I feel it’s so important for people to understand that You can succeed in the wrong ways, and its so important to never forget who was always there to help you get to reaching your goals.There’s so many people who get to that point and forget who has always been there back bone and that’s not completely success. You can succeed In some form or way but it doesn’t always necessarily mean you’re doing it in the right way.

I think this happens a lot of time and you see people moving up financially in life and bragging about how successful they are and how far they have come, And sometimes people don’t realize either their Mother,spouse,friend,child,grandma who ever helped them to be able to get to where they are now and show them no appreciation. We all have accomplished something we are proud of and in some shape or form we had someone along the way who helped us with encouragement,financially,with rides to get there, to helping you have a roof to get back on your feet…We have to remember we wouldn’t have made it if it wasnt for those people and we can’t succeed without showing those people how much we appreciate them for being there along the way. Success isn’t always the most important thing we have to appricate so much more and look deeper into what helped us to get to where we are in life now and never take that for granted. 

 

I’ve seen this with people like celebrity’s & just people in general, I have seen men and women show off their kids and money and how much successful they are doing now in life than before, but wont show their “Mother or father” and show how much they do for the family and keep that family holding together. I’ve seen this with “rappers and singers”they have spouses who risked so much to stand by their side and was there since they were younger and when they were at the bottom and had nothing they never left they believed in them!! And then they reach that point there now “ballin” and there in the club messing around with different random people while their “Ride or Die” is getting no appreciation at home,no respect for always being there. We also see this in children who don’t thank their family and parents or forget about them once they reached the top, There family and parents were there to help them get to where they are now. You should never forget about god and your family and friends those are the people who help you reach to your SUCCESS!! Stay humble & always remember who was there from the beginning and never let success and wealth change you as a person.

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If I had known then what I know now…

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When were growing up we all at one point said or thought ” I can’t wait till I’m older”! I know I threw this fit many times a week and lied to my self about how much better it would be if I was an adult already. But I think a lot of us can relate now and think “what was I thinking” and “why was I such in a rush to be an adult” “ITS NOT ALL THAT FUN ALL THE TIME”. when I was young, being an adult seemed like the coolest thing ever. I couldn’t wait to grow up. I’d finally be able to make my own decisions without asking permission, go out at night with no curfew, drink alcohol, and vote. I thought life would BEGIN when I hit some magical age. Boy, did I have it backwards

If I could travel back in time as a kid or young teen I would have told my self to slow down and enjoy my age. I know we all have those family members or parents who constantly said” You better appreciate being young cause it flies by” or loved to say comments about bills “you should enjoy it because once u have bills and life hits you you’re gonna wish you were young again”. And I remember always rolling my eyes thinking “OH gosh shut-up your just jealous cause your old” AND now I’m sitting here typing thinking about all the bills I have Due this month and wishing I was young and didn’t have any lol.

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I had this imagine “In MY HEAD” Like I was going to be rich and famous and I would be traveling everyday to places like Dubai,new york,france And here I am In corona ca at the library working on my laptop lol. I have had the amazing opportunity to do a lot of traveling through my life and I am very blessed to have experienced that but that’s cause I worked very hard. I deff am not traveling everyday though…But I am traveling through life still trying to figure out where I want to be in life and setting goals every single day trying to succeed in the best way possible. There’s so many things as kids growing up that we don’t realize until were forced as we get older and have to learn to cope with ,or how were forced to mature. Long-term planning is hard, because you don’t expect the future to happen, and you want something different now than what you’ll want in the future.

Now that I’m a “real” adult with real adult problems, I realize how lucky I was to be a kid. If I could go back in time, I’d totally enjoy things more and soak in the fact that I didn’t have to do icky grown up stuff like doing taxes, understand what “bills were”, and worry about my paycheck,or worrying about returning a million calls a day for work. Play was the only thing on my kid agenda and I never had it so good. When I was a kid I always wanted to be older like my sisters I couldn’t wait to be an adult. Now that I’m an adult, I just want to be a kid again. When I was a teen there were so many things I look back on now that I was so focused on that I wish I could go back in time and change. All I thought about was Boys, and wanting to be able to wear the makeup I wasn’t allowed to wear,having boobs one day,and being able to buy whatever I wanted. Well I’m 26 now and I realize men suck, And makeup, “I have to buy that expensive shit “every month and if you’re a lady and love makeup then you know that it adds up big time. I remember being young and having 3 older sisters who were older than me and They had these big boobs and for so long I had these spider bites, and I remember wanting boobs like them so bad. And now I look at my boobs and I think about when I’m running at the gym how much of a pain they are, or when i try to lay on my stomach how much in the way they are,I’m like I should have enjoyed those spider bites lol. I waited in anticipation for a sign, no matter how small, that I’d finally need a bra. I was one of the last in my grade to get one. Even so, I felt very grown up when I finally got one. I slid the straps onto my shoulders and hooked the back and was so excited. I remember looking over the area where my boobs would someday grow and just wishing Id wake up one morning with huge boobs like my sisters. Now, the first thing I do when I get home is take my bra off. Sometimes I can’t wait and unhook it on the drive home. I can’t tolerate the clasp poking me in the back and the underwire pinching beneath my breasts for one more second. If I knew bra life would be like this, then I wouldn’t have been so excited to wear the damn thing in the first place.

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“I couldn’t wait to get a real job in the real world”!! WHAT WAS I THINKING WHY!! I’m very blessed for the job I have and being able to make my own schedule a week and have a business at the age of 26, I have freedom to be able to blog and do other hobbies and I thank god every day for that. But TRUST ” I wish I didn’t have to have a job”. But realistically “MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND”. But If I could go back in time and enjoy when I didn’t have to work MAN I would have taken advantage a little more lol. There’s so much I sit back and trip on all the fun breaks we had in school, or the late starts,or days we got out early. I sit and think about holiday breaks The stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed endless as a kid. I couldn’t wait for Santa’s arrival. I was sure that as a grown up I’d just start the gift-giving early. Now when Turkey Day arrives I’m like, “Yikes! I only have four weeks to get my shopping done!” The stress can be too much. I liked it better when my only worry was if Santa might put me on the naughty list for always hiding my report cards.

Aside from new boobs, being allowed to wear make up and not just mascara, high heels, and carry a purse that didn’t have a cartoon character on it were serious adulthood aspirations. Playing dress up was fun and I knew that when my closet was finally filled with grown up clothes, I would have arrived. But now . . .I get so bored of my everyday work clothes, not to mention my feet are killing me by the end of the day and”I don’t even wear heels unless I’m going out” so what was the rush lol!.By the time I get home I just can’t wait to put on comfy shorts and big shirt. Also, I have all these adult functions to go to, like weddings and baby showers,and my friends kids parties. I wind up shopping for a new dress, new shoes, and a matching purse every time a special occasion pops up. This gets expensive. Dream closet, I’m still waiting for you.

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So now I think All end up becoming one of “those adults who always quotes enjoy life while your young” I never thought id get there but I have. I WISH If I HAD KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW! I WOULD HAVE SLOWED DOWN AND JUST ENJOYED BEING THE YOUNG JANEEN I MISS. 

 

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I hate Apologizing…

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I’m sorry is one of the first things we learn to say as children, yet some adults refuse to apologize even when they’re clearly in the wrong. The question is: Why?

One thing I have grown to learn about my self is I hate apologizing or letting something just go right away I hold on to my frustration a bit before I just get over it.“I will apologize” but it may take a bit before I’m ready to do so,It’s weird like I know I’m wrong and I know I need to apologize but I hate doing it. There has been times where I had a discussion with people and they bring to my attention “I hurt their feelings or whatever the situation may be” …But the weird thing is I feel horrible inside for hurting them because I never want to hurt someone or make them upset that’s not the type of person I am but I feel like If I say sorry right away It’s not genuine. 

If I get into a fight with a significant other,friend,family member whoever I hold this grudge and Inside and I’m like “I’m not about to apologize they can contact me when there ready “even if I know we were both wrong. It’s”PETTY” is what it is… but I just don’t know how to just let things go and get over it. One thing is I hate is arguing and I hate conflict so when It does happen I shut down and avoid doing it but if I’m pushed to do so I blow up or either I just shut my self off and Ignore you for however long I’m able because now I was pushed to my complete limit. I know that There’s a difference between apologizing for your actions and apologizing for how those actions hurt someone else, and sometimes a simple “I’m sorry” can go a long way. This is a small price to pay to repair a friendship or relationship,I know that next time I’m struggling with my sense of pride, I need to drop it and just apologize but It’s not that easy for me.

And when this happens “honestly I die inside”, I’m a very happy person ,I love loving people and I never want to have conflict with anyone but I know that regardless if we like it or not a part of life that’s thrown at us time to time may be a conflict,or miscommunication, or hurting someones feelings,or them hurting yours. I hate knowing inside that I need to stop being so “tough skinned” and when there’s an issue in front of me I need to just fix it and apologize and let it end right there. Nobody likes being wrong. Being wrong is just wrong. It means you, as a person are wrong. Even worse, it means you are bad. We do all we can to avoid this feeling.

I’m a good person, right? I’m caring, A loving person. I do a lot for others, I stand up for others, If  someone close to me needs to borrow money or whatever I give it in a heartbeat, and when someone needs advice or company im always there. I am a good Person. Good people don’t have to say sorry.

Until we do.

Our hesitance to say sorry when we’ve been wrong often causes more harm than our original offense. We argue, we turn stuff around. We force the person we’ve harmed to justify, over and over again, their right to feel hurt by our actions, and then we still deny them that. We make them the enemy, we become the injured one. We demand apologies for having to think of ourselves as less than good people. And we don’t learn. I don’t like to admit this about myself. I have hurt people not always on purpose, but sometimes quite willingly. I’ve finally made some peace with “sorry.” It hasn’t been easy it still sucks every time I have to say it. I still have to suppress the urge to yell,“ EFF this I’m not saying sorry!” But I’ve made the decision that if I’ve hurt someone, I don’t want to hurt them more by denying my accountability. I’ve made the decision that I want to grow as a person  I want to see myself more clearly, no matter how painful that can be sometimes.

For example The other day I was very proud of my self I got an argument over the phone with someone and “WORDS WERE EXCHANGED”  and I had hung up and told them stop calling me over and over again don’t call me again or all block you.. Now normally I would block them and ignore the issue all day but this time I picked my phone up and called back and immediately apologized .Because I realized “this issue started with someone elses feelings” and here I am being non understanding, There feelings were hurt because they wanted to spend time with me, And In MY MIND I believed they were being a bit dramatic. But The truth is, you can’t experience anything the same way somebody else does. You can have some idea, sometimes, but you will never really know. And your ability to imagine someone else’s pain is not a requirement for you to believe that pain. So if you imagine yourself in somebody else’s situation and you think, “Well, that wouldn’t upset me” — so what? It’s not happening to you. It doesn’t matter what you think you would do. But whats when I realized hey I said it “I’m sorry”.. so at least I know I’m getting better slowly!

But another hard part for me to accept is when I admit I’m sorry and the other person isn’t ready to accept my apology that took everything out of me to say. And that’s another thing I need to work on…. But I know that The person you wronged doesn’t owe you anything. They don’t have to hear you. They don’t have to forgive you. They don’t have to like you. You can apologize and they can say, “Screw you, I don’t want to hear it. You are a terrible person.” I’m learning that my good deeds do not define me, and my bad deeds do not either. I’m a human, a complicated, wonderful human who is many things to many people — some good and some bad. I’ll never be done growing, I’ll never be done making mistakes. Trying to be honest with myself and do what I can to do better.And the more I apologize, the more I learn that as hard as “sorry” can be, it feels way better than avoiding eye contact with someone you’ve wronged. 

Not taking responsibility for wrongdoings makes us seem unsafe or untrustworthy. And withholding an apology is certainly not going to win us any friends! Saying you’re sorry shows those you love that you care enough about them and the relationship to be aware of your shortcomings and take responsibility for your hurtful actions. In the end, making things right is way more important than being right.

Hope you enjoyed this blog & next time you are in a conflict situation ” just do better than I do” and just say SORRY lol 🙂

 

 

 

I want to inspire others with my past and future goals